because i currently have some complete inability to formulate anything that isn't point form or a flowchart, and feeling completely socially saturated and would like to do nothing but go home, play with "the books" try to find logical corners to place the illogical souvenirs of my life...little snow globes of curious mistakes, and t-shirts with inconsequential slogans of impeding travels through the minds and eyes and fingertips of others...so, we get a point form kinda muddled version of everything i remember from the last couple months, randomly...


- I should not drink beer, snowbusinessboy and gob are good talkers, the oysters, the projectile vomitting AFTER the oysters, hanging with mike and lynne, edward norton/quentin tarantino in the bathtub, bubble-les-ness and steamy and talking and talking, leslie spread eagle on the bar, leslie and kids at boston pizza, the little slyness of the bartneders eyes when he catches mine across, greg quickly becoming one of my favorite people, greg leaving and NOT saying goodbye, 50 mins is too long to wait for a cab, feeling best when you're around, a broken promise, trying to keep scenes in my head, my ulysses/finnegans wake literary dissection at random moments of otherness, my mother's christmas comments, the bartender meeting my parents, christmas shopping with annie, calling annie on new years and telling her I loved her more than anything, conscious that this might be the only time in my life that I've ever said the truth, without laughing, jen's rocking comment, the horse, the horse, the demented pink horse!, i wasn't being honest, your niceness and lack of insanity and lack of arguing no matter how hard i try, feeling bad for a loss, feeling terrible for a loss, remembering my grandma's hands, finding an apartment, getting the tv, assembling the bookcase at 12am with you, trying not to take my frustrations out on you, if we do that again one of us will get hurt, the couch and couch and door frames and red and cushions and you trying so hard and feeling like shit cause it just didn't work and you felt like shit and god there was no no reason for you to feel like that, snowbusinessboy took another gob scarf, amy came back, loonie lunging or lunging for loonies, your eyes are utterly honey toned when you wear that shirt, I got in a fight in the washroom, I hit back, I felt bad about that, I got a piece of the Berlin Wall, I guessed the mystery gift!, my grandpa's hugs, Patricia's website, Patricia's poster, Patricia's unique way of feeling, crying about the tears, no one cared, stapling the paintings, the fuck suck toilet pucks, the bartender has amazing processing and retrieval skills, oh and red flaked eyes like the goldfish food we'd scatter on the top of the littl bowl, surprising you at 1am on a friday, asking me if "that's what i'm wearing?", not understanding that was some sort of come-on, chicken finger subs on the way home, ordering other people drinks (I shouldn't do that), freak dancing, the way you rub my leg with yours when I'm gone and have just come back, you lifting up gob, gob smiling in the air, i'll wait my turn, crying after reading the saddest thing i've ever read and you've in turn, ever written. the saddest thing, hiding my baby grey eyes as i come off all tortured, i'll find nothing in your poor apology, god that sounds absurd. i apologize. i'm waiting...my turn.