when my mother and father FINALLY came to see the house and kinda sat with me all awkward, my dad telling me to move the thermostat, and pulling up floor vents to look at the furness while my mother wandered through books and took an armful with her, and annie sat playing with the dogs, my father peered out the front window and said, 'oh you're really close to the lake, you know the water's gonna come up to your front yard eh?' to which i responded, 'i don't think so, it's been ok so far' the lake was quickly frozen this week, and this morning i woke around 4am to the sound of doors opening and closing. when i wandered downstairs the water was amazingly insane. it is literally up my front yard, and bulbous? (is that a word? i'm thinking jello and oil being whizzed around a tuperware container) it's just freaky and amazing crashing up onto my front lawn, the ice gone, and random weird shit floating by. and it's beyond windy, i took the dogs out and almost fell over walking them.

and this area is sooooooooo weird. apart from american bob next door and gay gay david a few down with the dalmations, there's no one. all the houses are pretty well boarded up, and this morning while struggling to walk the poor puppies, a cop car drives up and starts talking to me about the crazy weather and it's a cop so i have to talk and then i think that must suck, the only reason people talk back to cops is because they think they have to right?

and papa's been in and out of the hospital for weeks and everything's great, and he goes home, then he's back in and dying, then everything's great and he's going home, then he has a 'rough night' and it's just....siggghhhhh. i love watching his hands. i don't know what else to say beyond that, except that it sucks.

after my grandmother died, he was depressed and didn't leave the house for like 3 years. then he met jackie, his little gnome girlfriend and now he pratically lives there, they travel like crazy and are just so happy and in some ways it just doesn't seem fair or right for him to go now. it's weird but it's almost like he NOW has so much to do, so much i want him to do. which is probably a weird thing to think or say about a 74 year old man. i was talking to my uncle about papa and jackie in one of my more bitter moments and i said to him, and his wife, my aunt who's goofy and pessimistic and in defense of my grandfather a little i said that there are few people that find love like that EVER nevermind twice.

maybe that's it.