halloween...

i have never before in my life been invited to so many parties of which i am expected to dress up. i refused the offers, but now there are just too many and people that i care enough about to do this type of thing with...so there will be synthetic fiber rashes on my fair fair little forearm to bicep crook for days. sigh.

dressing up reveals all the insecurities and vulnerabilities and and and...

it's dumb

you're supposed to dress up to hide stuff. weeeeeeeell i do that everyday. the dressing up for something is actually an undressing to me. what i pick to be is what people might think i want to be weighted against what i really am or what i dress up to be when i'm 'normal.' i will be scrutinized and analyzed in my nakedness. like if you're goth right, like if you're all goth and then what do you do on halloween...dress in pink? it's like you gotta be the opposite of what you are or what you are mostly. or not the opposite but an alternative to. and i just don't know what that is right now. the closest i can come is a chia pet.

tricia would say i'm thinking too much. she may be right. dave says i'm being anxious. david has dismissed me as weird and obsessive.

i'll just buy some horns and staple them to my head.