sometimes....
the loneliest you feel is surrounded by others.
and i don't have it that THAT bad. it seems everyone i'm surrounded by is equally NO NO MORE surrounded by their own loneliness and sense of arm breaking off, alone without a limb they didn't know they had or would therefore, miss kinda loneliness...
severed really.
i have flashes throughout the days. of lines in books i should start writing. never a line that should fit into the book mid way through or somewhere, but a slight little taste of a line that should start it and maybe that is where the problem is, if i had a slight of a line midway through than the first and the end of the book wouldn't be that fuckin hard to write now would it? then i forget the lines. they're gone almost as quickly as they came and MAYBE this is it! maybe this is beginning of the book. GOB gave me a christmas present...the only present i was ever given for christmas that didn't come from a b/f or my family but from someone i can legitimately call a friend...which is a whole other weird new experience and why i am 26 and still having these natural parts of development moments is beyond me, i could kinda dismiss them as being weird and kinda intense as a child but i don't really know....ANYWAY....and on the cover she wrote to take pictures and i guess it's weird because writing is so internal to me but we all know everything internal comes from somethin external and it's like my brain too quickly takes things that are external and makes them internal, like de ja vu one of the theories is you experience is because your brain too quickly processes whats happening throwing the experience into your long term memory making you retrieve it WHILE it's happening which is like WHOAH think about that too long and yeaaaaaah....so....i do need to take ink polaroids of my thoughts to start that freakin book which isn't at all what i'm talking about....
it would seem
and i apologize for the immediate honesty...
everyone around me is falling out of love when all i'm trying to do is fall madly INTO it (again).
all weekend....a good weekend a very very good weekend and i know if COI is reading this he will take this as negative and it is nothing of the sort, but an awesome weekend...not without it's challenges and the challeneges involve the fruit or fruits of a love that is now not a love....and then another weekend is planned that involves the fruits, or fruits of a love that is now not a love....
and it doesn't piss me off, i can do this, i can handle it i'm cooooool with my weird displaced fucked up placement within it...
but it has humbled me entirely within my own love-ness.
thats all i'm saying.
i shouldnt have but feel better for
saying
it.
phew.
the loneliest you feel is surrounded by others.
and i don't have it that THAT bad. it seems everyone i'm surrounded by is equally NO NO MORE surrounded by their own loneliness and sense of arm breaking off, alone without a limb they didn't know they had or would therefore, miss kinda loneliness...
severed really.
i have flashes throughout the days. of lines in books i should start writing. never a line that should fit into the book mid way through or somewhere, but a slight little taste of a line that should start it and maybe that is where the problem is, if i had a slight of a line midway through than the first and the end of the book wouldn't be that fuckin hard to write now would it? then i forget the lines. they're gone almost as quickly as they came and MAYBE this is it! maybe this is beginning of the book. GOB gave me a christmas present...the only present i was ever given for christmas that didn't come from a b/f or my family but from someone i can legitimately call a friend...which is a whole other weird new experience and why i am 26 and still having these natural parts of development moments is beyond me, i could kinda dismiss them as being weird and kinda intense as a child but i don't really know....ANYWAY....and on the cover she wrote to take pictures and i guess it's weird because writing is so internal to me but we all know everything internal comes from somethin external and it's like my brain too quickly takes things that are external and makes them internal, like de ja vu one of the theories is you experience is because your brain too quickly processes whats happening throwing the experience into your long term memory making you retrieve it WHILE it's happening which is like WHOAH think about that too long and yeaaaaaah....so....i do need to take ink polaroids of my thoughts to start that freakin book which isn't at all what i'm talking about....
it would seem
and i apologize for the immediate honesty...
everyone around me is falling out of love when all i'm trying to do is fall madly INTO it (again).
all weekend....a good weekend a very very good weekend and i know if COI is reading this he will take this as negative and it is nothing of the sort, but an awesome weekend...not without it's challenges and the challeneges involve the fruit or fruits of a love that is now not a love....and then another weekend is planned that involves the fruits, or fruits of a love that is now not a love....
and it doesn't piss me off, i can do this, i can handle it i'm cooooool with my weird displaced fucked up placement within it...
but it has humbled me entirely within my own love-ness.
thats all i'm saying.
i shouldnt have but feel better for
saying
it.
phew.
posted by Faint faint faintedink at 4:02 p.m.
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